A daughter of the King

Last night as I lay tossing and turning, dwelling on the the mental illness and sin that have run rampant in my extended family, it dawned on me that I do not have to let that define who I am. I am a daugther of THE KING! No ties that bind or bonds on Earth have any power over me if I am safely in HIS hands. This doesn't take away the problems that remain, but it certainly gives me the guidance I needed in dealing with them. I have been praying for several years now that the generational sin that has long afflicted my family would be broken and that my children will live healthy lives, pleasing to the Lord. Not just my children, but my nieces, nephews, and cousin's children. Each of them has a chance at a healthy life as well - if they are willing to accept the gift God freely gives them through His Son, Jesus Christ. I look at my husband's family. His grandmother prayed daily over her children and grandchildren. Her children may not have lived the lives she had hoped they would have, but all of her grandchildren have a relationship with the Lord. God answered her prayers. I pray this for my own children and their descendents. I don't have to sit around and wait for it to happen. God has given us the victory right now.

For those of you that think this is hogwash and that we have no power over our situations - just look at what medical research has been telling us for years. The mind is a powerful tool. If we believe we are going to get sick and die - we will. If we believe that we are going to lose our mind - we will. If we believe there is no hope for the future - then there won't be. For Christians who walk closely with the Lord, they realize that it isn't simply a formula of mind over body - but of faith in God that HE has power over everything.

12-step programs have long taught that a belief in a higher power is essential to overcoming addiction - and they are absolutely correct! None of us are able to do it on our own.

I choose to live a life that is healthy and pleasing to God. It has not been easy to say enough is enough and stand my ground with all of the unhealth around me. I can no longer stand idly by and pretend that it is alright and it doesn't affect me or my children. I don't want my children to grow up and think that is how things are done. I want them to understand the difference between a sinful life and a righteous life. I want them to understand the difference between healthy choices and unhealthy choices. I want them to know that THEY are not defined by a history that they had no control over. God has so much more in store for them.

Thankfully, I am a child of THE KING!!!!

When the Battle Rages

I have recently been going through a really stressful situation. It breaks my heart, but there is not much I can do. So often I want to rage and say the things that pop into my mind in my moments of frustration and grief, but I am constantly reminded by my loving Heavenly Father:

“Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.” (Ps 46:10 NIV)

I don't understand why everything has gone the way it has. I don't have any guarentee that it will get any better. I do know that God is much more capable than I in bringing about the needed changes.

It is really difficult to just stand still when hatred and lies spill forth contaminating you, but I know that God will carry me through. Yes, I am a Christian, and I am not ashamed. I want my life to be wholely pleasing to God. When the time comes for me to stand before my Lord, I want to hear,
"Well done, good and faithful servant..." (Matt 25:21 NIV).

Life is not easy. Hurdles are thrown at us all the time. Satan would like nothing better than to destroy our testimony. When I am going through trials it is in the forefront of my mind to be careful about what I say and do lest I lead others astray. I look at people that have been through much worse situations than I and still manage to maintain a positive attitude and I greatly admire them. I know that they have moments of great grief, but they share those privately with God. They know that He understands their hearts and can bare their burdens. He will do no less for me.

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ (Matt 22:37 NIV)

It's Gonna Be a LONG Night!

I've had a really bad cold for a few days and my sleep schedule is completely out of wack. I was quite irritated by this fact until I realized that I would already be up all night and I'll get to enjoy the Lunar Eclipse. I've told the boys they can stay up all night too as long as they are quiet and let their Dad sleep. Our neighbor, Stephen, is spending the night so that should be interesting.

A moment ago I was sitting here trying to remember what Josh said earlier that I thought was so funny. It was at that moment that I gained a new appreciation for FaceBook. With Facebook and other social networking sites, you can quickly jot down those funny, important and irritating moments so that you can actually remember them later.

I finally have all of the ingredients to make those sugar cookies that you pay a fortune for in the stores. I just need to find the energy to make them! Perhaps we can get that done this evening while we are waiting up for the Lunar Eclipse that won't happen again for 82 years. I rather doubt I'll be around for the next one, at least on this side of eternity. : )

The Potter and the Clay

This morning a friend posted on Facebook: "I wanna be a potter, I wanna be able to take something, no matter how bad it may seem and mold it into something beautiful,"

I immediately responded with, "I wanna be the clay that God makes something beautiful out of." Then I got to thinking...

We sing songs in church about the miry clay. What is miry clay? I had to look it up on Dictionary.com. One definition said, "Abounding in mire, muddy." Hmmm....That makes it clear as....MUD! So, then I looked up mire. "A tract or area of wet, slimy soil of some depth, or deep mud."

That means miry clay is kind of like that nasty slimy mud you sink your toes into on the bottom of the lake. Yuck!!!

I enrolled in a pottery class at Wichita State University once. It was not easy to 'throw' the clay. I was thinking about what it would be like to work with miry clay. Miry clay would ooze. It would collapse. It would not be easy to work with at all. Every time you tried to mold it, it would collapse back into a pile of... miry clay. This is what God starts out with when we become a new Christian.

Some Christians believe that once you accept Christ as your Savior, you instantly become a new creation and your sinful nature is gone. However, we have to be realistic here. Yes, Christ has covered our sins with His crimson blood and God sees them white as snow, but that doesn't mean that we are instantly transformed into a perfect creature. We are still miry clay.

If I had a container of miry clay I would have to let it sit for quite a while to 'dry out.' It is useless to me as a lump of slime. I need to give that clay some time to sit and let the water evaporate. I think that God has to do that with us sometimes as well.

First, He lifts us out of the miry clay when we realize that we need a Savior. We cannot get out of that muck all by ourselves. Have you ever gotten stuck in a mud hole? The more you try to get out, the further you sink. You need someone to help you. God is the one who lifts us up out of the miry clay. He sets us on firm ground. Some of us are fairly dry. Perhaps we were not in the miry clay that long and it did not have time to completely saturate us. Perhaps we are in a warmer climate and we dry out more quickly.

Some of us were completely immersed in the miry clay and it had infiltrated every pore of our being. We may need some time to 'dry out.' We may need to sit like a bump on a log in church on Sunday morning and soak up some of God's word for a while before we have dried out enough for God to mold us into what He has in mind for us. Yet, if we allow him, He will make something beautiful out of our lives.

How Long Has it Been?

I was just looking at my cousin, Christine's, blog and she felt bad for not posting in four months. I was thinking, "She's doing pretty good!" After all, how long has it been since I last posted? I'm afraid to look. For some strange reason going back to school has turned me into the world's worst blogger. I love reading my friend's blogs, but I haven't even been keeping up with them lately.

OK, so the latest is....

Max got out of prison a few weeks ago. He is living with his grandparents and working on becoming a part of civilization again. I have to admit I'm back on pins and needles worrying, but trying not to worry. I know it is completely up to him and I can't control the outcome. I just hope and pray that he'll make good choices and get settled. I would even love for him to get married and have kids...but that can wait for now. He has plenty of time. : )

It is hard to believe that John is in 7th grade. We just recently moved him to Troy's school and that has been a good choice. He seems to feel a lot more secure and settled, even though I'm sure he misses having a little more freedom. His grades have improved and his attitude is improving. Why does being a teenager have to be so hard????

Josh is in his last year of elementary school. He is growing up right before my very eyes. This morning he actually got himself up, ready for school, and left for school quietly. I don't think he realized I was home. I'm always amazed at how mature he is when he needs to be.

Troy is still teaching in Lake Worth. It is another challenging year but I have faith that it will all work out for the better and he'll be glad he stayed. He has an awesome administration at his school and wonderful co-workers. There aren't too many places where you will find that. If it wasn't for the fact that they work with middle schoolers, I would want to work there too! lol

My school is going pretty well. I have an Introduction to ESL/Bilingual Education class that has proven to be very interesting. I have learned a lot and I am really an advocate for Bilingual education. I have gotten to work with some wonderful classmates and on some really exciting projects. I am also taking Physics for Elementary majors where I have learned a lot of cool new "magic" tricks. I can't wait to show those off! I am taking a Human Development class which is probably my least favorite class this semester. I'm also taking Introduction to Early Childhood Education, which is fun, and a Linguistics class which is very interesting but kind of tough. I still have two and a half years to go which is kind of depressing considering I came in as a senior! However, I know how important these classes are for my future as a teacher and I'm more than willing to take my time and soak up as much as I can. I want to be the best teacher I can be.

It is hard to believe that Thanksgiving is upon us already. Troy and the boys will be travelling to Kansas tomorrow. They will get to spend a week with Max and other family members. I'll be sitting here all by my loansome... Actually, I have school, which is why I'm not going. I'll have classes through Wednesday evening and I'm planning to get a lot of school work and house work done while they are gone. I'm eating Thanksgiving Dinner at my neighbors (and inheriting one of her dogs). I'll be chaperoning Molly and Lulu while they get use to one another. Thankfully they are both seven years old and shouldn't have too much energy. : )

I will also be having three little girls over that I've been missing. I'm sure that is eating John and Josh alive. They get terribly jealous. I can't help it though. I like having some girl time every now and then. Maybe someday they will understand. Maybe, just maybe, they'll provide me with a bunch of granddaughters some day and I'll get all the girl time I missed out on by having boys! ; )

Back in School

It is hard to believe the kids have only been back in school for a week and a half. We have been busier than ever. I'm back in school full time (three nights a week), John is in football and Josh is in baseball. Troy is doing his usual, teaching, leading Iron Sharpening Iron (Mens group at church) and teaching at the Bible Institute.

So far my school is going alright. I'm disappointed that some of my instructors use profanity. I personally don't feel that it is necessary or appropriate in a classroom setting. It seems to really take them down several levels in my estimation. I even thought that about teachers when I was a teenager so it is not just because I'm getting old. It is tought being away from home three nights a week. That was definitely not my intention. I wanted to spend MORE time with my kids. Hopefully my schedule will work better next semester and I can take more day or online courses. It just didn't work this time and I really, really want to finish my degree, finally.

Josh is playing "Fallball". It is an additional season offered by the local baseball association to provide extra instruction and practice to those youth that are serious about baseball. Josh really liked it and wants to get better at it. We weren't going to do it, but a friend is coaching his team and that makes it so much easier on us.

John is playing football for the first time. I have to admit it makes me VERY nervous. I think it is really good for him though. For one, it gives him a constructive place to spend his frustration and anger. It seems like he is full of it these days. It is also good exercise and keeps him busy. He has a very tough time with his weight (even the doctor agrees it is hereditary) and has a very low self image. Hopefully the football will help him trim some excess weight, build some muscle, and gain some esteem. There ARE advantages to being big. In fact, when he signed up one of the coaches came to introduce himself and ask if he could "protect" John for his team. Each coach can protect a certain amount of players which means they are not in the draft pool. It just so happened that it was the coach that people had highly recommended. It has worked out really well for us.
Troy seems to be settling into this school year with less moodiness this time around. I don't know if that is because the school year is actually off to a smoother start than usual or he is too busy to get too upset about it all. Maybe he just doesn't have time to stop and think about things.

As far as we know, Max is in prison. We haven't heard anything yet. I don't know when I'll hear from him. I imagine he is pretty steamed at me at the moment. Hopefully once he gets over it, he'll write to us. We are also hoping and praying that he will start to work through some of his issues and begin to live an honest, sincere, and productive life.

I hope to start posting more. I have had so many things on my mind. They don't really fit my other blog. In fact, I really don't have time for all the things I had planned to do this year so I may just give up on the other blog. Perhaps I should start one about the experiences of a returning adult at a traditional college. It is definitely different here than what I was used to. Even though there are actual adults at the college, most of the students are traditional students. I don't understand why they are taking evening classes. It is really aggrevating. Also, the instructors act more like tenured professors that teachers paid by their students. There are other things I really like about the college though. They make it very easy to enroll. You do EVERYTHING online. You can go up there too, but it is mostly done online. I think the only thing I actually HAVE to go up there for (administrative-wise) is to get my parking permit. Of course, they have been short on those and I still don't have one.

A Productive Morning

My neighbor and I decided that we would start walking at 6:00 am in the morning, starting today. I woke up at 5:45 am and got ready. At 6:00 am I knocked on her door. There was no answer. I went back to my house and sat around for about 15 minutes and then decided to take the dog and go walking. I walked around the block (which is about twice the size of a normal block). Molly has been getting pretty arthritic and she was pooping out on me a little over halfway around the block. I took her on home. I gathered my purse and so forth to go run errands when my neighbor came knocking. So, I got to walk around the block a second time.

We agreed to meet at 6:30 am tomorrow. Perhaps we'll walk a little longer distance each day. I knew I would be alright. After all, I just walked all over downtown San Antonio not too long ago. I just can't take the heat. That is why we are walking in the morning. Even at 6:00 am this morning it was 86 degrees farenheit! As long as the sun isn't beating down on me, I should be OK.